Sarah Perry Reflects on Her Choice to Forego Motherhood

As her longing for a child grew, Perry experienced a transformation in her outlook, imagining a future with a son. However, after suffering a miscarriage, she struggled with grief in public spaces, and subsequent investigations revealed unexplained infertility, suggesting IVF as a possible path to parenthood. Yet, as she balanced her full-time PhD, writing commitments, and job responsibilities, she began to prioritize her literary ambitions over the demands of fertility treatments.

Reflecting on this decision, Perry realized she found a greater joy in writing than in the potential hardships of motherhood. She shared a poignant moment with a friend who expressed happiness for her decision not to pursue treatment, validating her choice. Perry's analysis of motherhood was informed by observations of friends and family, leading her to question the sacrifices many made for children, noting the guilt and confusion surrounding motherhood.

Now at nearly 46, Perry has come to terms with her life as a childless woman. She cherishes her independence and the fulfillment she finds in her career and hobbies. Occasionally, she reflects on what her life might have been like had she embraced motherhood without fear of losing her identity.

In 2023, Perry faced another wait as her father-in-law, David, was diagnosed with cancer, ultimately passing away within days. This experience connected back to her earlier feelings of waiting for both life and death, reshaping her understanding of existence and reflection on her own choices.