Meghan O’Gieblyn Explores Addiction and Faith in Recent Memoir

Having renounced her faith in her twenties and later sinking into addiction, O’Gieblyn achieved eleven years of sobriety. However, in her late thirties, she felt drawn back to past desires, even contemplating a return to Catholicism, which led her to start drinking again. This experience spurred her to explore the reasons behind such contradictions in human behavior.

A pivotal element in her exploration is a quote from Simone Weil: “We have to try to cure our faults by attention and not by will.” O’Gieblyn turned to various religious thinkers and philosophers to unpack the meaning of attention in her life. During a personal crisis following a relapse, she began writing notes about her readings, which evolved into her memoir.

O’Gieblyn’s journey has been one of fluctuating faith and sobriety. Growing up in an evangelical environment, she studied at Moody Bible Institute before abandoning her faith and grappling with addiction. She found recovery communities valuable during her sobriety and began writing to make sense of her experiences with Christianity and her ongoing curiosity about the faith.

In her late thirties, she began experiencing a spiritual crisis that involved both the return to Catholic practices and a subsequent nine-month return to drinking. Her narrative highlights the challenges of grappling with personal transformation, illustrating that willpower alone is often insufficient for real change.

O’Gieblyn emphasizes that true moral transformation cannot be achieved through sheer will. Instead, she suggests that surrendering to a greater force allows for more profound change. She reflects on concepts of attention as a crucial tool in understanding personal challenges, likening it to a form of prayer that expands capacity for engagement with oneself and the world.

In discussing the writing process, O’Gieblyn identifies the need for self-dialogue, portraying the tension between self-criticism and moral action. She connects the pursuit of goodness with recognizing one's divided self while seeking harmony in personal integrity.

Throughout the memoir, she intertwines philosophical insights with her personal experiences, considering how moral beauty can manifest in acts of courage and integrity.

When contemplating artificial intelligence, O’Gieblyn argues that genuine attention is tied to consciousness, distinguishing true human perception from machines. She describes the blurred lines of motives in both humans and AI, emphasizing the complex layers of will in actions.

Concluding her reflections, O’Gieblyn likens life and artistic practice to free jazz, where spontaneity and responsiveness shape the beautiful, chaotic music of existence. Through her narrative, she ultimately seeks to illuminate the importance of heartfelt attention to our lives and the world around us.